Easiest Breadsticks Ever

So, I've been wanting to post this "recipe" for a while, but I really thought it needed some pics to do it justice. I put recipe in quotes since it really feels like a stretch to call something with three ingredients a recipe. But that is the beauty of these breadsticks--so easy, a child can (and does) do it. Okay, some of it, although my little helpers couldn't be bothered the night I finally decided to take pics. I just used my phone, so they aren't the best pics, but you'll get the idea. Normally, I would serve these with salad, but we were all out, so I served them with princess gummy vitamins which is totally the same.

You need pizza dough, 3 tbs butter, and 3-4 tbs parmesan cheese. I get my dough from Trader Joe's for $1.29. Gotta love it.

Prepare the dough according to the package. The TJ's kind says to let it rise for 20 minutes on a floured surface.

Melt the butter in the microwave, 30-60 seconds. Brush some of the butter onto a baking sheet with sides (the butter will drip).

Transfer the dough to the baking sheet and shape into a rectangle. Poke holes in the dough with a fork. Score the dough with a pizza cutter into 8 breadsticks.

Brush the remaining butter onto the dough.

Sprinkle the parmesan onto the dough.

Bake for 20 minutes until golden brown. Serve with ranch and marinara or whatever you like. Enjoy!

Lizzie took this pic of Addie as they enjoyed their breadsticks "at the little table" in the pit.

Cleaning

I'm finally at a place in life where I can try to establish some sort of cleaning routine. I need to be able to say, "I'm done" at some point each day, instead of feeling the pressure to do it all, all of the time. This is not a new idea, it's something I always want, but put off since I usually just barely keep my head above water, then clean like crazy if someone is coming over. Not ideal, but life comes at ya fast! I have been thinking about this all weekend and how the last time I had a routine was when I had one immobile baby. Today, as I was cleaning my bathroom (yes, it's mine, Matt just has privileges), it hit me that that was FOUR YEARS ago. FOUR YEARS! I stared at myself in the mirror and shared a shocked look with my reflection. That's as long as college! No wonder I feel crazy all of the time! Traveling, hosting, traveling, moving, traveling, moving, hosting, traveling. My life is passing by way too quickly. I have felt at least one step behind since we decided to move to New York, but now I'm not going anywhere for a while, don't have any huge plans, and I'm not moving in or getting ready to move out (yet). Soooo, time to get things in order to have more time for fun.

Other random ramblings: Matt made the cruel, cruel suggestion of just doing diagnostic radiology from home so that we could live in Tahoe, then immediately said, "but that's not what I really want." UGH. Mean, mean, mean. Now I have this thought in my head of becoming an awesome snowboarder and Matt and I going, like, every day while the kids are at school during the winter and then do...boat things during summer. How awesome would that be? Sigh, I guess we'll just have to visit instead. Mean, mean, mean.

Hard Day

So, today I went down the wrong aisle at the "other Target" and found myself facing newborn clothes and cute tiny things. I try to avoid that section, but since I still need toddler items, it's hard to skip it entirely. Sometimes, like today, I can't help but think about Emily, how big she would be now and how close we would be to the due date. I'm sure I'd be nesting and getting everything together. I'd be feeling her inside of me and getting to know her better. I still get my baby center bulletins for this pregnancy; I can't bring myself to cancel them. Today the geneticist's report came in the mail, confirming that there were no known problems and that she was a girl. All I can think about is my baby...I wish she were here.

Gotta go get Lizzie from speech.

Emily Rose

So I haven't written in a while because it is hard to know where to start. I'm guessing that if you are reading this, you already know we lost our little girl. I was 15.5 weeks when they couldn't find a heartbeat and had a D&E a week later. There was no reason, were no chromosomal abnormalities, nothing. We are devastated and still mourning, still making sense of it all. There is so much to say, so much we've been through since we found out, but it is hard to put it all down here. We decided to have her cremated, and I took her home in a little box instead of beautiful new clothes and a shiny new car seat, but she is home, where she belongs.

I had to have Lizzie's parent/teacher conference pretty quickly after the surgery and didn't go through all the papers that her teacher gave me until a few days ago. I found a drawing of Lizzie's that said "My Hero" at the top and the teacher had written "Mom" at the bottom, explaining what the drawing was meant to be. This would have meant a lot to me at any time, but it really has been my saving grace now. I have tried to keep going for my kids, tried to cry after they go to sleep, but it isn't easy when you just want to stay in bed all day and wallow in sadness. I still wish I'd had the chance to do that, to feel like I'd really had a chance to mourn, but I am grateful for my little girls, so what can you do? So, I went through a pop-tarts and taco bell, no make-up and bad hair stage, but I'm slowly emerging from that pattern. I have this drawing up in my bathroom and it really changes my heart and helps me get moving. I am looking forward to a couple of weeks without the morning rush, though.

We had a bunch of friends stay with us a couple of weeks ago, and it brought some much needed joy to our house. We are looking forward to the holidays, too, although I'm dreading hearing anyone else tell me that everything happens for a reason. I just don't believe that. I've witnessed too many bad things in my life, and while good can come of bad things, I don't think God works that way. My mom always quoted a verse about bad things happening to good people, "He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and unrighteous." Matthew 5:45. I guess when you grow up with bad things, you are more comfortable knowing there are a lot of things that can't be explained, that don't happen for some greater purpose, that you can't wrap up in a shiny, pretty package and say, "this is why and it's worth the pain because of x, y and z." So, if you are reading this, don't tell me "everything happens for a reason", cuz I'm pretty sure that the next person who says that is going to witness Brenda the New Yorker and might lose a few teeth. Nothing is worth this pain, no other child will replace this child, no good can outweigh this bad. And that's life, kids.

So, while we are in the midst of life's ugliness, all we can do is look for and appreciate the joy. While our friends were here, I took Lizzie ice skating for the first time. One of our friends, Jeff K. (a much better ice skater than me), took his little three year old, too. We struggled to get a quarter of the way around the rink before Lizzie had a complete meltdown and had to be rescued by another friend of ours, Jeff P. I skated around to meet them at the entrance, and he asked her to try again for a couple of pics. She hit the ice with such determination that my heart just soared. She kept saying, "Try again, keep trying, hold on tight!" I'm crying as I write this because it is my favorite moment as a mom, ever. For her to learn that lesson, to really keep trying means everything to me. It is one of my goals as a parent to make sure that my kids aren't intimidated by failure, so this was a huge step in that direction. She went all the way around with me, then let Jeff K. drag her around the ice a bit and had a blast. Oh, being a mom...

There's a poopy diaper with my name all over it and a Christmas chapel to get to, so that's all for now.

Xoxo

Nothing much

My house is totally destroyed, I have about 4 loads of laundry to put away and at least 7 to wash, so, naturally, it is time to blog. Well, we are definitely in the home stretch now. Matt will finish his internship 6 weeks from today...well, he will start his last shift 6 weeks from today. Ka-razy. I am so excited for him to come home and the loneliness has really been killing me lately, BUT I am not looking forward to living with a boy again! I'm not gonna lie...I like the bed to myself, I like the bathroom to myself, I like the TV to myself and I like not having to deal with someone else's agenda (and Matt always has an agenda, but don't we all?). In some ways, it is like getting married all over again, but this time we actually have--get, I mean GET--to spend time with each other. We knew we would spend our twenties investing in our careers and our future, but it has worn us down more than we ever could have imagined. Now we get to have a simple life and I'm not sure we will know what to do with it. I think it is going to take time to learn to have fun again! It is a welcome challenge, of course, but our life is going to change over night and that makes me nervous (use your Olivia from the caf voice when you say that to yourself)!

We have had a lot of ups and downs with Lizzie over the last few months. We go back and forth between being really impressed with all of her progress and wondering if there is some other issue that we are not addressing. We have given some thought to Auditory Processing Disorder and dyslexia and are going through the steps to have more testing done by the school district. They won't actually test her until next school year, which is a blessing and a curse. A blessing because she will be older and we think it will be more clear as to what is going on, a curse because any possible issues will go unaddressed for another four months. She has been having some problems at preschool with obedience, so we had to have a meeting with the teacher. She launched a positive reinforcement system that she had used in the past and is really going the extra mile for Lizzie, but I can tell she feels strained by all of it. We still feel that this preschool is the best place for her, so if you are a praying person, please say a prayer for the relationships between Lizzie and her school staff. We have launched our own positive reinforcement system at home and are doing a new "chore" chart this weekend using pictures instead of a list and we are really hoping this encourages her to be more obedient, cuz, lemme tell ya, she will sit in time out half of the day and still laugh in your face when she doesn't want to do what you ask. She is a pill and a half. I pray every day that I can help guide all of that drama into a positive direction and shape her into an amazing woman, but it is easy to run out of patience and picture spending the rest of my life having meetings with teachers and school administrators about my disobedient daughter. She scares the bejesus out of me! Deep breath, I can do this...I hope, hope, hope that she will chill out a bit when Daddy moves home for good and actually comes home every night, but I am guessing it won't be that simple. Sigh.

Speaking of little pistols, my other one is really kinda just like her, except different. Addie hates getting into her carseat, and yesterday when I put her in, she hit me! I scolded her and she didn't like it, but she thought it would be fun to keep testing me and I had to give her a time out later in the day. I am in trou-ble with these two! She is talking a bunch, though, and still a cutie. I wish she would let me put her hair in pigtails or a ponytail! She would be a little doll, but she takes anything I put into her hair out immediately.

Hmm...other stuff. I have actually gotten to know some of the other moms at preschool and think I might be able to fill the summer with playdates. I am nervous about Lizzie getting bored this summer with no school and no speech, but we can't really afford a daycamp type of thing right now, so I am hoping to spend time at the beach, park, Y and hopefully some playdates. I finally seem to have found some moms that aren't over forty and that have busy husbands like me, so even if we aren't best friends, it could be really good. I am still going to the Y a lot. It is my only chance to "relax". I have been taking lots of different types of classes--zumba still (of course, it is the best), but also a yoga/pilates/tai chi one, a kickboxing one, and a group barbell one. I like the variety, but mostly I like that my kids are having fun and I get to not worry about keeping them alive for an hour or two. I seriously don't know how I would have survived this year without the Y. I'm pretty sure I would be a complete lush...

Okay, I know this post is long, but one more thing. We got to go to Santa Barbara last weekend to celebrate my mom's second 59th birthday. It was so fun. It was really beautiful there (haven't been there since I was 12) and it was nice to see my family. We went to the zoo, the beach, the wharf, but I have to admit that the highlight of the trip for me was swimming in the hotel pool. Becky juggled her two girls and Matt mostly played with Lizzie while I swam with Addie. She was hilarious. She wanted to jump in off the side over and over again, and every time she would say, "I jump!" She was having so much fun. Lizzie was doing really good at going underwater for a bit, too. Matt was throwing her high in the air a lot, etc. and they had a blast. Then Matt threw Addie SO HIGH in the air that I almost had a heart attack. I thought she would be terrified, but all she did was say, "I jump!" So, so, so cute. I will post pics of our trip on fb soon. Hopefully this weekend.

Well, that's all for now! Love to you all.

Hey

Okay, so the following post has been sitting unfinished on my computer screen for over a week:

So...nothing big going on here, just keeping the blog going. Matt's month off is over, which is awful and wonderful at the same time. Awful because he is gone again, wonderful because we are really in the home stretch now. He went back to work a week ago and it wasn't as bad as it could have been, but it is still emotionally challenging to have him home, then gone, then home, then gone and only knowing his work schedule at most 4 weeks in advance, then trying to figure out when he will home from that, etc., etc. However, we do have one week down this month, then we have my mom coming this weekend, then Matt's parents soon after that and by that point we will only have three months to go! Woohoo!

We have been through some big changes with Lizzie over this last month. We finally found the right preschool for her after a few months of searching. It is at a Lutheran church and school that is really close (some of the other ones that seemed reasonable were as far as Cupertino which would be at least 20 minutes each way). The teachers are so loving and helpful.

I know I should probably indent those paragraphs, but I'm not gonna. So, yes, the preschool is great! Our life is very different now. For a few weeks we had speech MF and preschool TTh, but now speech has been consolidated to one longer session on Fridays only. The extra day off makes a big difference. For a while there I felt like I never got to sit down! I love preschool days (like today) because I get to run errands with only one baby or stay home and spend quality time with Addie. I try to get work done around the house, but Addie is usually so excited to have me to herself that she wants to play or be held and I am happy to give her that one-on-one time that she deserves. She is down for an early nap today, so here I am. Matt is actually home today. It is his one 24 hour period that they are legally required to give him each week. Lucky him! But he is off running his own errands and I am trying to get lots of paperwork-type stuff done. Life is so much work!

I am realizing that none of this is very interesting, but if I wait for interesting stuff, I never blog. Hmm...my mom was just here, which was really nice. I got a lot done, but mostly it was really nice for the kids to see their grandma. Matt's parents are coming soon and we have some other stuff planned, so hopefully this month will go quickly and we will be that much closer to the end of this crazy year!

I am really looking forward to this summer! We have had some "warm" days (I think they are warm, but when I check the temperature it is only in the high 50s--ha!) and it is getting me excited to make lots of beach trips and hopefully swim lessons for both girls. I am a little worried about Lizzie getting bored without preschool, though. Matt will be around for at least weekends, so we should be able to do some camping and fun stuff! Our first real summer in California with kids--I can't wait!

We are finally uploading tons of old videos...hopefully I will get some on here soon. :)

I guess that's about it! Lots of love to you all!

Potato Taquitos

So, I am pretty far from starting a food blog, but I am starting to cook again now that we are pretty settled and I am in more of a routine. I finally found a way to make potato taquitos in a fast, easy way. I used to be embarrassed by my white girl tactics when it comes to Mexican food, but after seeing some of the stuff that passes as "Mexican" across this fine country, I am over it. So, next time your vegetarian friends come over, here is a good, filling option. My kids loved it, too.

You will need:

10 corn tortillas

Corn Oil

1 bag of steam and mash microwave mashed potatoes

1/2 bag of shredded cheese (I use the Mexican four cheese blend)

2-3 heaping tablespoons of sour cream (I use light sour cream)

2-3 tablespoons of green salsa

Salt, to taste (I use Sea Salt)

Preheat the oven to 425, put about 3/4 inch of corn oil in a pan or skillet and heat on medium low. Oil a baking sheet or metal pan. Microwave the potatoes according to the package. Mash them just a little, and instead of adding milk and butter, add the sour cream, salsa, salt and a small handful of cheese. Once the oil is warm, place one tortilla in for a few seconds until soft (handle carefully so it doesn't tear). Place on the baking sheet. Spoon the potato mixture in a line down the center. Fold the sides over the mixture and flip it over so the seam side is down. Repeat with the remaining tortillas and mixture. They will be about 1.5-2 inches in diameter. Bake until crispy, about 15-20 minutes. Sprinkle with salt and cheese when they come out of the oven. Serve with sour cream, guacamole and salsa.

Update on Lizzie

So, I don't get to blog very much anymore because the typing (no matter how quiet) seems to wake my girls up, and if they are awake, they want to type just like mommy. I don't think anyone wants to read a blog in baby jibberish, so I will type fast! Things are going well, although we are all pretty wiped out most of the time. We have been in our house just over six months now, and it is so nice to feel settled. There is a lot more peace in our lives and a lot less anxiety, which opens up more teaching/learning opportunities for Lizzie. For those of you that don't know, Lizzie has always struggled with speech. We noticed it pretty early on, but we were told that it was too soon to tell, that she was just on the low end of average, she was just immature, etc. When we moved here, I decided it was time to get her tested, regardless of anyone else's opinion. Our new pediatrician was skeptical but supportive and told me how to start the process at the school district. After having her tested, etc., it turns out that she does have an issue with expressive and receptive language. I think all of us that know and love her can testify to that! The screaming, the frustration, the inability to follow directions or understand multi-step processes...all the things that have been driving me crazy are all related to this issue. I know all toddlers are difficult, but I have thought, "this can't be normal" too many times! It was so hard to watch her perform terribly on the assessment tests, but it is such a relief to know that she is going to get the help she needs and that we are starting the therapy early enough that there is a good chance that she will be ready for kindergarten on time. The simple advice the speech therapist gave me after the initial assessment helped me change my approach and the difference in Lizzie's speech (and, therefore, attitude) is incredible. Of course, maturity and routine have helped a lot, too. Dealing with all of this in addition to having a husband/father who is around intermittently makes for an exhausting life, but we are doing the best we can.

As I am sure you can tell from my many fb status updates that mention it, I have been taking Zumba at the Y. It is probably the most fun I have had in years! I guess I forgot how much I love to dance. Not just "we're in a club, I guess we should dance a little" or "we're at a wedding, let's act dumb with our friends", like, dance your heart out and forget about everything for a whole hour! I wish I could go every day.

The girls are mostly behaving, so I will talk a little about San Jose. Matt doesn't really live here yet, so I am not sure if he will feel the same way when he gets down here, but I am loving it! Who knew there was one magical place that had so many things to like? I love our house, I love how close it is to San Francisco (future career opportunities), I love the people, the weather, etc. It has been chilly here and I love it.

Uh-oh, Addie is crying. I think my time is up! Love to you all.

We survived another week

It is hard to believe, but we survived another week of our crazy life. Once things got going last week, it flew by. I am hoping the same thing will happen this week, so it probably won't! I am hanging out with the girls in our office right now, uploading some pics. Matt was home all weekend and we got to do some fun stuff. I am afraid it didn't give him much of a break, though, and I think he is going to be pretty tired at work today. Poor guy. He is on Ortho this month and not loving it. We are definitely in the thick of things right now, making progress through this year, but still not really seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. We have lots to look forward to over these next few months, though, so hopefully time will pass quickly. Addie is turning one next Saturday and then Thanksgiving is upon us! I am sure I will make at least one trip down to my mom's during the holidays, but at this point, that seems too far away to map out. So, one thing at a time and this week that means Halloween! I was at a wedding for Lizzie's first (with Lizzie, she was a lion), then on a plane for her second. We trick or treated the Natural History Museum and the Upper West Side last year (when I was literally 9 months pregnant), but we finally get to do the all-American, door-to-door trick or treating thing this year. I am sure it will be a short trip, but I am looking forward to it. We went to a little party last Saturday and are going to another one on Friday, so we are getting plenty of use out of those costumes! Well, the natives are getting restless, better go. I am uploading pics to FB at some point today, so I hope you check them out!

The Things That Are Driving Me Crazy

Okay, so today really sucks and I need to vent. Most days when Matt sleeps at home, he leaves at 4:30. Many times, I wake up and have a hard time going back to sleep then because, well, I am and always have been a terrible sleeper. Those mornings are especially crappy when the kids have kept me up all night. Well, this morning, Matt left and then a few minutes later I heard someone running in our house, then someone pilfering through my bathroom. Of course it was Matt (back for his glasses), but he scared the bejesus out of me and I (of course) couldn't fall asleep again. So, about four hours of sleep is just not enough to renew my ever waning sense of humor and the other things I wish I could laugh off are making me feel like that lady in The Yellow Wallpaper. Lizzie is driving me insane with her toddler-speak. I am trying, I swear, and I work SO HARD to help her and teach her and work with her, but I am obviously not doing enough and it is beyond frustrating. We are waiting for the school district to contact us and set up an appointment for testing, but they are taking their sweet time. Meanwhile, we are stuck in a frustrating cycling of miscommunication. Between the two of them (well, three, Wahoo doesn't speak English either, although he does actually obey English which is more than I can say for the other two), I feel like I live in a different country and I am the only person who doesn't speak the native language. You want what? What hurts? No what? Yes, the bottle is for Addie, but she doesn't need to drink it while she is asleep...no, let her sleep, yes, she's "asweep"...please let her sleep, no don't scream because you are mad...where is your pullup? On the lawn because you fed it to the dog? Awesome. You get the picture. It is driving me insane. Next issue: carrots. Our neighbors carrots have seeped under the fence and every so often, Wahoo digs one up and brings it inside, getting dirt everywhere and providing ample fodder for "that's what she said jokes", as if we needed more. Then there is the potty training that really makes no sense when you can't communicate with your child, but she is 3.5 and I am trying. Aside from Lizzie's lack of cooperation, every time we are in there, Addie is there, too and usually throwing things in the toilet or at least playing with the toilet water. Awesome. Over and over again, awesome. Next issue: clingyness. Not a word? Don't care. I get it that they miss their dad, and I sympathize and try to give them all the TLC humanly possible, but they are both within a two foot radius of me almost all of the time. Addie is crying in my arms at this very moment, squirming because she is mad. Why is she mad? Because Lizzie wakes her up from her nap. Why? She thinks it is funny when Addie cries. So, we'll listen to her favorite Katy Perry song on repeat while I nurse her. Yay! Next issue: No. Lizzie has finally entered the "no" stage and while I am ecstatic that she is actually responding, I am really running out of patience with the backtalk. So, lots and lots of timeouts. Awesome. I love it. It is fun to spend my day these ways, while the laundry piles up and the germs multiply. Well, I guess I should go. The dealership that changed Matt's oil didn't put something back on right, so he broke down on his way home yesterday morning, miraculously right by another Honda dealership and (lucky me) I get to load the kids and their carseats into their shuttle to go pick it up. Can it be tomorrow yet, please?

P.S. Lizzie is obsessed with hearts, so this layout is for her.

Long time, no blog

So, I know I haven't blogged in a really, really long time. We have had a very strange year so far, with lots going on, and sometimes not enough going on. I really haven't had much time to reflect or think about what to share with you all, and even now I feel like most of you have heard our same story over and over again.

Today we booked our move to the house we are renting in San Jose. We seriously considered buying, and even took several trips up there to look at what was available, but decided to continue renting for now. We are so excited to have a house that seems like it will be very comfortable. It isn't he most up to date, and it is a little hard to go from the urban style of our NY apartment to a house that has pink tile in the bathroom, but we are grateful to have more space for ourselves and our kids, not to mention awesome public schools. This is exactly the situation we were hoping for when we considered this area. I am looking forward to decorating a room for each of the girls, but as for the rest of the house I am kind of at a loss for now! We don't have a ton of furniture right now so the place is going to be a little strange until we can buy a few more things. Of course, I haven't even seen this place yet, so I am going to wait until I get up there to see what I can do. Anyway, I am preoccupying myself with these thoughts, but really I am dreading the day that I wake up there by myself (with the girls, but without Matt) for the first time and the loneliness of this new life hits me. We don't know yet how often Matt will be able to come home. This year really won't be that different than it was during the first three years of med school (some times were easier than others), so I know I can handle it, but I just think it will be a big shock after being at my mom's and having so many people around (including Matt) for so long. Of course, I am also looking forward to being totally in charge and not having my pesky husband putting in his two cents about setting up the house and I can do it all my way--I mean, the right way--the first time. Yay for that. Still, even after being a SAHM for almost three years now, I wonder how I will fill my time. Babies 24/7 with no relief. Yes, I am hoping to get Lizzie in preschool in a few months, and yes, I am hoping to find a good sitter, but it is still a lot of work with almost no breaks, even through the night. Obviously, I am having some trepidation about this move, but I know we have planned as well as possible and set ourselves up for success. I am sure it will all be fine in a couple of months, but it is going to be exhausting!

Catching up

I miraculously have both babies asleep (okay, it IS midnight), so I am going to try to get caught up.  I can't believe I was still in New York the last time I wrote!  We had a crazy trip home that included a night in the airport with two babies in a successful attempt to be first in line at the ticket counter after we and about 20 other people missed our flight to LA, got off the standby list one at a time onto the first flight out of there on Christmas Eve, landed in LAX, discovered one of the carseats wouldn't be arriving for a couple of days, went straight to Babies R Us with Lizzie in a regular seat (and Matt clutching her) to buy a new one, then headed over to the Honda dealership that was expecting us in Montclair, haggled a few hours until I got the lease I wanted, then drove off with our new Pilot (which I LOVE).  Then the holidays began!  We felt like it was a very boring version of the Amazing Race.

Matt spent the month of January interviewing and we now have a better idea of our rank list.  We still won't know where he will end up until March 19.  The girls and I went with him to San Diego and had a lot of fun at Sea World and the zoo.  He left last Sunday to do one more rotation back in NYC.  It is tough without him, but my mom is a huge help and time is passing quickly.  Of course, I haven't had much sleep, but I can sleep when I am dead.  He comes home on Friday for a couple of days, so that will be nice.

I am just trying to keep busy these days (not difficult with two babies!).  It is so hard for me to just wait for the magical day of March 19 to come along and change my life.  At least I am back on the best coast and am infinitely happier because of it.

Addie is a very sweet and mellow baby.  She is starting to interact more and may have laughed the other day (we aren't counting it, since Matt wasn't here).  I can't believe she is already three months old.  She is already teething!  It isn't fair how quickly they grow up.  She is very wiggly, but otherwise an easy baby.  Now that I have Addie, I realize just how much of a challenge Lizzie was/is.  She is just as crazy as ever, jumping and climbing everywhere.  She has been picking up more words lately, so that is good.  She pretty much disagrees with me on everything right now and takes pleasure in making even the smallest task a battle.  I feel like a crazy person chasing after her all the time.  She colored a bunch of stuff red tonight with a crayon while I vchatted with Matt, but it all came clean.  Fortunately, she loves my mom and is having a blast running her ragged, which gives me a bit of a break.  She does yoga and step aerobics with me on the Wii Fit, so that is pretty fun.  She also tries to mimic me on the hula-hooping and shakes her little butt, which is pretty freakin cute, if you ask me.  I should really try to get it on tape...ooh, new project!

Well, my left arm is completely asleep now since it is holding Addie.  This post is starting to feel boring, so I guess it is time to sign off.  I am not my usual hilarious self because sarcasm takes more brain power than I have right now!  Well, I guess that was just a little sarcastic...

New York

I have been making a mental list of all the things I will and won't miss about NYC for the last few days.  Since I am up late with a fussy baby (again), I thought I would share it with you.

Things I Will Miss:

snow

Christmas decorations

Macy's

the subway (when I am by myself and not carrying heavy items...oh, and not pregnant)

my old job :(

our "new" friends

Bobby Flay's Mesa Grill (ok, we only ate there once and they have one in Vegas anyway)

Tavern on the Green (again, only once, but YUM!).  I am still trying to think of a way to fit in lunch there tomorrow

Radio City Christmas Show

Fresh Direct (my online grocery store)

being surrounded by history

the friendly people (you heard me)

the political mindset (stores sold out of champagne on November 4)

Biscuits and Bath (Wahoo's daycare/overnight care/groomers...yes, it is the same place to which Rachel Ray takes her dog)

yelling at strangers and not getting my butt kicked

street vendors (food, jewelry, you name it)

my doctors and our pediatrician :(

Central Park

Things I won't miss:

People say "on line" instead of "in line" (like in line at the post office, they yell, "next on line".  what am i, a computer?)

cockroaches!

awful, muggy summers

the subway [when I have my kid(s) or something heavy...or when you barely miss stepping in human poo because you are too distracted by trying to decide whether that guy you just passed on a bench was dead or just sleeping]

the way every apartment corridor smells like a mix of everything that everyone is cooking for dinner (our old place always smelled like garlic in the halls, one day last week I think this place smelled like warm garbage)

needing a stroller for your babies and crap, but having to figure out how to deal without it since it won't fit in stores and elevators on the subway are rare and never working when you really need them to be so you either have to leave it at home or you have to just pick up the entire stroller and carry it up and down 10-20 flights of stairs for each leg of your trip.  Those are the days when I take what I call pre-Motrin.

have I mentioned the lack of mexican food here?

the long flight home

the long flight back

when a family member gets really sick you have to decide between saying goodbye and getting to go to their funeral (happened THREE times and the last time we couldn't go either way)

not having a car

why do they only sell vanilla coffee creamer here?  there are so many other awesome flavors!  it drives me nuts.

the fact that everywhere is filthy (except the upper east side) and no one seems to care.  many people actually love it that way--like it adds character or something.  blech.

It is actually really strange to think of coming home.  Part of me can't believe we are already done here (almost), but mostly I feel it has been a long, hard challenge on so many levels.  I am really upset that I am almost four years older than I was when we decided to come here.  That is yucky!  I wanted an adventure, and I certainly got it.  We cried in the car on the way to the airport after we left Jason and Winter's house in Redlands, and I know we were both wondering if we were making a mistake.  I still remember how I felt as the plane took off that night, although it is hard to describe.  I guess I felt that although I didn't know what to expect, my eyes were wide open and I was ready to be exposed to a different life.  Since then, there have been times where I wanted out of NYC with all of my heart and times where I thought I could never leave.  I think I will always have a love/hate relationship with this city.  I think nothing compares to the feeling of walking out on the streets by yourself and just soaking it all in.  For some reason, I feel so aware of myself and my surroundings when I am out walking and I think that is actually when I feel the most alive.  But, of course, the walking thing is killer when you have kids.  I am proud of my "New York mom" moments because they are a learned skill and have been a challenge for me that I never saw coming.  Anyway, it has been difficult adjusting to life here, and I know it will be a bit of a challenge to downshift into a less intense world.  I think moving is always an adjustment.  I am especially nervous about becoming a driving mom, just because it will be different and Lizzie is getting older.  How long before we are fighting over the radio?  My guess is that will happen next week.  No, probably sooner.  For the most part, though, I think it will be pretty easy to slip back into California living.  I will be taking the yummy mexican food, amazing produce, driving, cheaper cost of living, etc. for granted before you know it.  We will be there in just under 24 hours!  I can't wait.

Up late again

I am up late again, rocking Addie in the office chair.  I thought I could post a few pics while I sit here.  She has been up in the early hours the last few nights.  I have been watching a lot of History channel and CSI:NY.  Ask me anything about the Dead Sea scrolls, I dare you.  Anyway, here are a few pics.  Our little angel is growing up so fast!

Blogging again

Okay, so it has been a while since I last blogged, but I did have a baby, so...yeah.  Yes, I have two babies now (three, including Wahoo).  It is pretty crazy, but I am surviving.  Do you remember that episode of Friends where Phoebe is left babysitting her brother's triplets by herself?  The apartment is destroyed, but everyone is alive at the end of the day?  Well, that is kind of how my life is now.  It really isn't so bad, it is just hard to get anything done.  I am just proud that I can get everyone fed and changed.  Sometimes I even have one free hand to click my way through Amazon and get some Christmas shopping done.  Exciting life, eh?

Most of you want to know about Addie, I assume, so I will get to it.  We are in love, of course, especially Lizzie!  She has really surprised us.  She wants to hold the baby ALL THE TIME, so I can't put Addie down ever.  Lizzie even tries to crawl into Addie's Pack n' Play to pick her up.  It is crazy, but I am glad Liz is like this instead of jealous or resentful.  Addie seems to like being held by Lizzie, too, so I am trying to ride this wave of sisterly love as long as possible (hopefully for the rest of their lives, but one step at a time).  Lizzie has developed the strange habit of doing a respectable baby impression when we change her diaper.  She flails her arms about, blinks and screeches annoyingly...oh, the joys of motherhood.  It drives me nuts, but I still can't help but laugh.  So, back to Addie...she seems pretty mellow.  She is a spitter, though.  I was shocked when she lost her dinner that first night on the hospital, and it broke my heart to see the fear on her face as it just kept coming and she couldn't catch her breath.  I will never forget that face for the rest of my life!  She was losing so much milk at first that I was really concerned, but the doctor did a weight check and she was gaining like a pro, so she is fine.  Her checks are already monstrously chubby and she is well on her way to being a decent butterball.  We have her one month checkup on Monday and I am curious to see what she weighs now.

I guess I should mention that the labor and delivery was AWESOME, at least compared to last time.  I was really surprised that she didn't come on her own (so was my doctor), and it was very weird to go to the hospital to have a baby and NOT be in labor.  Every cabbie for the last month or two of pregnancy would constantly check to see if I was in labor.  I think they secretly want to have to rush a laboring woman to the hospital.  The guy we had that night was really confused because we had my giant overnight bag with us, but I was talking on the phone, giving him instructions, etc.  I thought it was funny.  Anyway...my doctor and I decided to induce for several reasons, and I was fortunate to have everything go very smoothly.  It was so much less traumatic than the first time that I can still hardly believe it even happened.  I certainly can't believe it has already been a month!  I know everyone says this, but I can barely remember what it was like without her.

Well, we have only two and a half weeks left in NYC.  We are so glad that we did most of the moving already.  Yay, we did something right!  We still have to get our stuff organized, though, because the movers are picking our stuff up from our storage unit.  That means that we have to get everything that can't fit into our bags over to storage before the movers come.  It really isn't too much stuff, but I am stressing about it a bit.  Plus we have a few fun things we want to do before we leave the city, but it is hard to get everything squeezed into a short time period.  I was able to sneak away to get a haircut today and NYC at Christmastime is just amazing.  I know I will miss that the most.  It is much easier to feel attached to this place at this time of year: cold (but not miserable) weather, beautiful decorations, Christmas trees out on the streets, kids all bundled up (including my own!), etc.  I am glad we are leaving when I feel sad to leave...summers are miserable here and I wouldn't want to leave on a bad note.

We have so many pictures of the girls from the last month that it is really hard to pick ones to post, but I will try to get some up soon.  Love you all and we are excited to see many of you very soon!

Baby!

Matt here, making my long awaited return to contributing to this blog. I'm sure most of you now know Bren gave birth to our second baby this morning. Brenda Addison Alexander, or Addie as we'll call her, was born at 6:13, weighing an unexpectedly beefy 7lbs 13oz. I'll leave it to Bren to fill in more details later on, but I'll let you know that baby and mommy are doing very well, and Lizzie is wondering why this new tiny crying thing is around all the time. Thanks for all your well wishes and prayers! Here are a few pics from the past 24hrs.

40 weeks, 1 day

...and still no baby. We are inducing late tomorrow night, so she should be born Friday morning. Of course, she could still start the process on her own sometime in the next 24 hours, but one way or another, Addie will be here very soon. I am NOT looking forward to labor, but I am so ready to be unpregnant and I am very ready to meet her and hold her and love her. Matt's mom left earlier today after being here for almost 2 weeks. It is sad that she was here for so long and didn't get to see the baby, but at least Christmas isn't too far away. My mom lands in about 45 minutes, so it looks like we shouldn't have too much of a problem even if I went into labor now.

Right now my thoughts are mostly concentrated on Lizzie. Even if I don't have a cesarean, I could easily be in the hospital for three nights. I hope it ends up being only two, but even then it will be pretty hard on her. I know she can come visit, but I don't know how long she can just hang out in a hospital room without going nuts. Plus, I am really going to miss her! It is hard not to recall all the little details of the night she came into this world...man, I remember thinking "Umm...do they know I am all alone with this baby? Wait, she is MY baby...so, that means I am in charge. Wait--what?"

Of course, this weekend is just the beginning of Lizzie losing her "only child" status. Who knows how she is going to handle it when she realizes this little baby isn't going away? I just try to remind myself that it is good for her and she will be a better person for it. Plus, I want her to have someone to share her childhood with and all of that. I just have to brace myself for the growing pains in the coming weeks. Thank goodness Matt has a lot of time these days (which is why we planned to have the baby now).

Well, I had better wrap this up and get some rest. I will be pulling an all-nighter tomorrow night, so I am trying to be as lazy as possible these next 24 hours. Here are some pics of our little elephant on Halloween.

Pumpkin Patch in Central Park


















Carving pumpkins
















It's amazing what you can do when you use stencils! Matt still had to work pretty hard, though.






Dressed up again for our night at the museum.

















Sure...go ahead and color right on the table. They love that.



39 weeks